So today, I'm going to be a whiner. I don't usually like to whine about things. I really don't have much to whine about: wonderful husband (who brought me flowers last night), awesome dogs, nice house, good job. Yep, my life is pretty awesome. The only thing that I have to whine about is TTC. I should just be grateful, but I'm going to whine anyway:
My stupid temps just keep going down. I told myself that if I got too excited or wanted this to be the cycle too much, it wouldn't happen. I was unsuccessful at keeping my hopes at bay and now my temps are taking a downward slide.
Half of me thinks that it is somehow directly related to my hope or anticipation (yes, completely stupid and irrational). The other half is scouring FF chart gallery looking for charts that look like mine and resulted in pregnancy. Equally silly since what someone else's chart looks like really has nothing to do with me. But I can't help myself. Now I want to kick myself in the ass (great visual) for being so excited and I want to kick myself in the ass for letting it bother me so much and I also want to kick myself for managing to still have a little hope...wow, I wonder what emotion I wouldn't be upset with myself over this month?
Anyway, whine over. I hope that everyone else out there is having a better (and less whiny!) Saturday than me!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Magic 8 Ball
My way of handling the 2ww (the two weeks from when I ovulate until I find out if I'm pregnant or not) is far from helpful. So far, while waiting to see if I am knocked up this month I have: watched TV shows about pregnant women, obsessively looked for charts that look like mine on Fertility Friend, stalked the birth month boards on The Bump (especially October 2011 because I REALLY want to be there), and repeatedly consulted a Magic 8 Ball.
Yes, you heard that right, a Magic 8 Ball, like you had when you were a kid....my favorite coffee shop has one sitting on the counter where you wait for your coffee. This month, after I had confirmed O, I asked the Magic 8 Ball if I was pregnant and going to have an October baby. It said yes. I have since asked it on a daily basis and it continues to assert that I will be having a baby in October.
My husband thinks that I am a goofball. I immediately told him that the Magic 8 Ball said I was pregnant and that I was going to be very disappointed if it was wrong. He thinks it's funny, but it is really getting my hopes up. What is wrong with me?!? A Magic 8 Ball? I mean, it's a floating geometric shape with Yes and No written on it...it's not even as impressive as a psychic!
I want to test very badly tomorrow, but I also want to make myself wait until Monday when my period should be showing up. I feel like I will be really let down and a little angry with the Magic 8 Ball if I see a BFN. Yep, I will actually be mad at the Magic 8 Ball... Oh, well. Such is the crazy that the 2ww brings out in me, I guess.
Yes, you heard that right, a Magic 8 Ball, like you had when you were a kid....my favorite coffee shop has one sitting on the counter where you wait for your coffee. This month, after I had confirmed O, I asked the Magic 8 Ball if I was pregnant and going to have an October baby. It said yes. I have since asked it on a daily basis and it continues to assert that I will be having a baby in October.
My husband thinks that I am a goofball. I immediately told him that the Magic 8 Ball said I was pregnant and that I was going to be very disappointed if it was wrong. He thinks it's funny, but it is really getting my hopes up. What is wrong with me?!? A Magic 8 Ball? I mean, it's a floating geometric shape with Yes and No written on it...it's not even as impressive as a psychic!
I want to test very badly tomorrow, but I also want to make myself wait until Monday when my period should be showing up. I feel like I will be really let down and a little angry with the Magic 8 Ball if I see a BFN. Yep, I will actually be mad at the Magic 8 Ball... Oh, well. Such is the crazy that the 2ww brings out in me, I guess.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Let's Give This a Shot
So, I've never blogged before and I'm not sure I really have anything special to say. I figured I'd give it a shot, though. I think a little background about me and my husband is in order:
I am E and I am 28 years old. I am in my final year of grad school for School Psychology, which is really cool because it's just a full-time paid internship. I am working in two schools this year, both in an urban school district. The elementary that I work in is the lowest income in the district. We also have the largest ELL population in the district (both in numbers and percentage-wise). I also work in a special program for middle- and high-school kids with behavior disabilities. I love the kids that I work with and am really enjoying my job.
My husband is L. He is 33 years old. He works for a major tractor manufacturer as a line worker. For the past year, though, he's had an office job. It's a non-traditional position where he is part of a team designing a new production line. Sounds like it might be more interesting than screwing in the same bolt every day, right? Not even close. He is so totally bored and sick of it, he talks about going back to the line before his contract is up in August at least once a week.
When my husband and I decided to get married, we decided we wanted to try to get pregnant right away after the wedding. I work in the schools and the ideal times for me to have a baby (given a perfect world) would be October, November, March, April, and May because that would maximize the time that I would have on maternity leave with my baby. Originally we wanted to start trying in January of 2011 (this month). I had my IUD taken out in October of 2010 because I wanted to make sure I had time to regulate before trying. In November, my fiance surprised me by asking "Why are we waiting to try? We might not even get pregnant right away and who cares if the timing is perfect as long as it's not bad? I would like to try now." I thought about it and decided he was right, so we started trying that month.
Here we are and it's January. He was right that we wouldn't get pregnant right away (not that it's been long at all). Although I was excited to get pregnant the last two cycles, not as excited as I am for this one. I am 2DPO right now and I can already tell that this 2 week wait is going to be a lot harder than the last two.
And I know that the let down will be a lot harder this month than it was the last two...here's hoping that I won't have to worry about that.
I have a bad habit of thinking that I will jinx things if I am too positive or if I want something too badly. I keep feeling like "it's ok if I don't get pregnant this month" so that I'm not too let down if I'm not. It worked the last two months, but now that I'm to the point where it would be great timing and I would get to have a bunch of extra time at home with my baby if I got pregnant this cycle, I'm finding it very hard not to get my hopes up.
I am E and I am 28 years old. I am in my final year of grad school for School Psychology, which is really cool because it's just a full-time paid internship. I am working in two schools this year, both in an urban school district. The elementary that I work in is the lowest income in the district. We also have the largest ELL population in the district (both in numbers and percentage-wise). I also work in a special program for middle- and high-school kids with behavior disabilities. I love the kids that I work with and am really enjoying my job.
My husband is L. He is 33 years old. He works for a major tractor manufacturer as a line worker. For the past year, though, he's had an office job. It's a non-traditional position where he is part of a team designing a new production line. Sounds like it might be more interesting than screwing in the same bolt every day, right? Not even close. He is so totally bored and sick of it, he talks about going back to the line before his contract is up in August at least once a week.
When my husband and I decided to get married, we decided we wanted to try to get pregnant right away after the wedding. I work in the schools and the ideal times for me to have a baby (given a perfect world) would be October, November, March, April, and May because that would maximize the time that I would have on maternity leave with my baby. Originally we wanted to start trying in January of 2011 (this month). I had my IUD taken out in October of 2010 because I wanted to make sure I had time to regulate before trying. In November, my fiance surprised me by asking "Why are we waiting to try? We might not even get pregnant right away and who cares if the timing is perfect as long as it's not bad? I would like to try now." I thought about it and decided he was right, so we started trying that month.
Here we are and it's January. He was right that we wouldn't get pregnant right away (not that it's been long at all). Although I was excited to get pregnant the last two cycles, not as excited as I am for this one. I am 2DPO right now and I can already tell that this 2 week wait is going to be a lot harder than the last two.
And I know that the let down will be a lot harder this month than it was the last two...here's hoping that I won't have to worry about that.
I have a bad habit of thinking that I will jinx things if I am too positive or if I want something too badly. I keep feeling like "it's ok if I don't get pregnant this month" so that I'm not too let down if I'm not. It worked the last two months, but now that I'm to the point where it would be great timing and I would get to have a bunch of extra time at home with my baby if I got pregnant this cycle, I'm finding it very hard not to get my hopes up.
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